Blogging on the move

I am now blogging on the move. I can now blog from my iPhone, so look out world.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone Suckas!

A Fist Full of Blog

Since my last post, I went to both (500) Days of Summer and Extract, and they were both awesome. A lot of people are looking at (500) Days of Summer, and are probably thinking it looks like a romantic comedy, and I have to say they are dead wrong. If anything, this movie is the anti-thesis of a romantic comedy. It follows the typical formula; boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy loses girl, but with one blaring omission. The boy does not win the girl back, and the audience doesn't want him to win her back. Joseph Gordon Levitt is better in this movie than any other movie I have seen him in, and that is saying a lot. He nails every emotion, and steals every scene. Zooey Deschanel does something I never thought I would see her do, she makes me hate a character that she plays. The character of Summer treats our hero so badly, she emotionally drags him through the dirt, there is no way a viewer could like her. Director Marc Webb does some interesting things with the source material, a highlight being a dance number set to "You Make My Dreams Come True" by Hall & Oates. Bascially, everything in this movie works perfectly, and I suggest this movie to anyone.
I also saw Mike Judge's new film, Extract, and I was thoroughly entertained. While it wasn't as controversial as Idiocracy or as surreal as Office Space, it was pretty funny and had a compelling storyline. I found myself laughing through most of the movie, and I enjoyed the performances of the entire cast. Jason Bateman proves that he is a leading man, and I hope his performance here leads to more staring roles for him. Ben Affleck was fairly funny and entertaining as well, something I never thought I would see outside of a Kevin Smith movie. And Kristen Wiig even plays her role fairly well, managing to still be funny even though she mostly plays her role straight. I think that Mike Judge has made the right choice by spreading his feature film works apart, since every film he has made has been top notch.

Call of the Wild

This is the most recent short story I have written, I am finally posting it, okay, get off my back!

In the dark, he stalks his prey. The grass is dewy, wet beneath his feet. The small animal moves slowly, cautiously, watching for danger. He watches too, waiting for it to drop its guard; then he will strike. It is a quiet night, and the wind is still. He is in good spirits, as he does not have to worry about the wind drifting his smell towards the small creature. He can circle around, and pounce from any angle. He salivates at the thought of the feast he will soon dine on.

The little creature continues to move slowly, searching for a meal of its own. He moves with it, never breaking his line of sight. If he looks away for even one second, it could be gone. It is too late to find another meal; he needs this one.

The tiny creature reaches a small stream. This could be it. The little thing takes a drink, a perfect opportunity. He creeps forward, swiftly but silently, almost within pouncing distance.

Snap.

A twig. How could he be so careless, so foolish. The creature darts his head up, staring directly at him, making eye contact. He speeds off into the forest. He can do this, he knows this forest better than anyone. He dashes right after it, only a few steps behind. As the creature twists and turns through the trees, under logs, over creeks, he follows each movement. He is sure the creature does not know where it is going; it is acting on pure instinct. If it knew, it wouldn’t be heading towards the rocks. There is no escape from the rocks, not for something that small. He grins slightly, knowing now that he is in for a well-deserved meal.

Just as he guessed, the creature darts into a gap between the rocks; he squeezes through, right behind. He barely fits; the creature surely thought he would not be able to make it at all. The creature jumps and claws in the rocky dead-end, not yet realizing its effort is futile. It stops, and stares right at him. He can see the fear in its eyes, and slowly moves toward it.

With his belly full, he casually walks through the forest. Home is but minutes away, and it is almost dawn. The rising sun makes the dew on the grass sparkle as he walks through the forest, and he can hear the birds just waking up. He enters his yard; it is cluttered with playground equipment and scattered toys, something he would usually find quite annoying, but not this morning. He is in a good mood. Right as he sits down on the hammock, the back door bursts open.

“Farley, where have you been? I have been up all night, worried sick about you! Now, come inside, I will make you some breakfast.”

Foolish woman.

The Zombie Michael Jackson Can Suck It

As promised, promoted and bragged about, here is my blog about Michael Jackson. Before you judge me, or my heading (which I mostly did for shock value), I want to make it clear that I have nothing against Michael Jackson. He had a couple songs that were alright, he was a good dancer, and the 3D ride at Disneyland was pretty cool, but I am sick and damn tired of hearing about this guy. Everywhere you look, someone is either talking about what caused his death, or his family is grasping at any sort of limelight they can get, or (and this pisses me off the most) they brag about how much they loved his music. I find it damn hard to believe that every single person on Earth is all of a sudden a huge Michael Jackson fan. Like, yeah, okay, Thriller was a great album, sure, I can admit that, but I have never been a fan of his music. Is it possible that I am completely crazy for not gushing over every single song, or is it possible that a large chunk of the media, whether it be a TV news anchor or just some shlub who writes for an internet site such as IGN or 411, is completely full of shit.
And the next thing I ask, if all these people really loved his music that much, why did none of them jump to defend him during all his trials and tribulations that last couple years? It has always bothered me that everyone jumped on that bandwagon of assuming that Jackson was a child molester, when it was quite clear (to me anyways) that he is just mentally damaged. He was robbed of his childhood, as many child stars are, and once he began an adult who had control of his own life, he reverted to a child-like state. A person in a child-like state would, logically, wish to spend his time with people in the same state of mind, primarily children are the people in a child-like state. It clearly didn't cross his mind that any of his actions would appear creepy to the outside world, since in his mind, he had the most innocent intentions.
You might say that I am just adding to this media attention, but really, nobody reads this blog. My only hope is that some random person stumbles upon this blog and says "Hey, you know what, lets just let the guy be dead, and go on with our lives." Because, they way people are talking, it's like he's not dead at all, he's undead, much like a zombie? (This justifies the heading!)

Wasted

Nobody makes blog posts anymore. It's tragic really. Aaron is a fuck. Hi Mom. Cassidy agrees.

I Like A Country Song

I was recently watching CMT with my brother (by watching I mean reading while he watched, I am not a fan of the country), and something caught my attention. To my surprise, a country band called the Abrams Brothers were doing a cover of Viva La Vida by Coldplay, and I have to say it was pretty damned good. It had a bluegrassy feel to it, and I really liked it. Today I even bought the song on iTunes, just so I could listen to it again, and found my initial reaction to song to be accurate. If you get a chance, check the song out, you will be pleasantly surprises. I am watching The Big Lebowski as I write this, and that Spanish cover of Hotel California just played, pretty friggin sweet. Does anybody know where I can get an mp3 of this cover?

Back in Tan

What is up Internet, long time no blog. I got back from New Brunswick on Friday, where I spent roughly 10 days with no web access, I am not sure whether I am relieved to have Internet again, or to make fun of myself for becoming so desperate without it. While I was away, I wrote a short story, which I don't have an official title for yet. I would like to do some more work with it before I post it, so all you Joel fans will just have to anxiously wait to read it. Another thing I missed while I was away was playing the guitar, which surprised me. I hope to start practicing again soon, although I am afraid, since I will be quite rusty, and the thing is surely out of tune. This week, I also need to get my student loan paper into the student loan office, so that I can continue going to university. It is vital that I do this, since I have no practical work skills, and could possibly lose my job if I am not a student (probably not, but technically I could). Cassidy is going away tomorrow, which will make me sad, since I just got back, but I am excited for her to go to this writer's retreat she is going to. For the 2 weeks she is gone, I will probably work on my writing, practice guitar, and maybe play some video games. I also bought a crib board today, so if anybody wants to challenge me in the next couple days, feel free to, but I warn you, I have beaten the crib champion of Saskatchewan, and I also have the luck of the Irish on my side, somehow.

New Story

I wrote a new story today, while everyone was out golfing. It was weird, I wrote the whole thing from start to finish in about half an hour. I will have to go back and reread it, to see if I actually like it. It is either about a wolf, a dog, a man or a werewolf. I will probably post it on here in the next couple days.
In other news, on the plane, me and Casey watched 17 Again and it was just delightful. I am looking forward to when Zac Efron is not just known as that kid from High School Musical, because he has a lot of comic timing and is, I think, a pretty talented actor. I see a lot of Justin Timberlake in this guy, as they both are basically pretty boy popstars (I'm not actually sure if Zac Efron is a popstar, but who cares), who are surprisingly funny. Thomas Lennon, of Reno 911 and The State fame, was also incredibaly funny in his role as Efron's rich and ultra-nerdy best friend. Michelle Trachtenberg is always good, I have liked her since she was on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and it is nice to see Leslie Mann in a movie not directed by her husband. People tend to forget that she has a reasonably successfull acting career before her husband became the King of Comedy Movies.

Nerd Alert

Today, me and Dan spent the whole day trying to figure out where and when the National Aboriginal Day wrestling show was. We spent the whole day doing this. We eventually found out when it was, and where it was going to be, and once we got their we realized we where probably the only people between the ages of 14 and 35. That is incredibly nerdy. But it was also fun. So it evens out.

Danger! High Voltage!

I have been having a great week. So great, that I haven't even had time to update the blog. At least I don't wait over a month between blog entries (Aaron!) but I still apologize to all my loyal readers for the lack of updates.
I finally saw Land of the Lost, and I was not as bad as the media made it out to be. There were enough good laughs (mostly from Danny McBride) to completely justify seeing the movie. A lot of people are down on Will Farrell, I think mostly because he chooses to go with a safer form of comedy (and who could blame him, right?), but I think we need someone like Will Farrell to do a more mainstream style of comedy. Everyone wants to do anti-comedy, myself included, but what makes anti-comedy so special is that it is different than the mainstream. If Will Farrell were to become an anti-comic, not only would he blow every other anti-comedian out of the water (admit it, he would), but he would drag anti-comedy into the mainstream, thus making it mainstream comedy. The reason we can have guys like Zach Galifianakis and Michael Ian Black is that they are able to float under the radar by staying away from the mainstream. Basically what I am saying is that Will Farrell is good for comedy.
Yes, my title is an Electric Six reference, but after beginning to write, I can't remember why I put it. Fire in the disco, fire in the, gates of hell.

Saturday Morning Coming Down?

So, it is 9 am, I have been up for an hour, I went to sleep about 5:30. Two and a half hours sleep, yikes! I also have barely been eating for the last three days, just scraps really, and I noticed today that I lost 5 pounds. I don't know why I don't have an appetite, but I am not complaining, maybe I can fit into Casey's old suit coat by Lyle's wedding in August, if this keeps up. Right, Casey, the reason I am up. Casey phoned me this morning, apparently in town once again without telling me, haha. In exchange for a bit of cash and a bagel, I filled his truck up with some gas, and we had a nice talk about what I have been up to lately as well as why I was up so late. All and all, it was a very positive experience, because, while I still don't have much of an appetite, I found that bagel to be a perfectly reasonable meal, and now I have at least eaten today. Hmm, boring blog post so far. I suppose I should mention that I have an new idea for a short story, the premise seems pretty lame, but like a lot of my writing, I will probably go for style over substance, so the story itself will seem interesting. I haven't started anything concrete yet (i.e. nothing at all), but I hope to have some of my writing posted her in the next month.

As Promised, The Hangover!

It finally happened, I finally saw The Hangover. While many of the big summer movies have been talked about extensively for well over a year, The Hangover seemed to fly under the radar. But every since a friend from work stumbled upon the trailer about 2 months ago and showed it to me, I have been extremely excited to see this movie. Honestly, of all the movies coming out this summer, this was the one I have been looking forward to the most, no lie. And believe me, loyal readers (All four of you, Hi Mom!), it did not disappoint. The first thing I should address is the three leads in the film. Much of the advertising makes it seem like Bradley Cooper is our star, who is best known for playing an asshole in every single other movie he is in, and he continues to be an asshole, but luckily this movie lets him still be likable, which I appreciate since I see myself as a likable asshole as well. Where was I? Oh right, Bradley Cooper looks like he is the staring character, which I would be cool with, but they go a much better route and make Cooper, Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis equal stars in the movie. In fact, their are very few scenes throughout the film that features any of these actors without at least one of the other two. This was probably the best way to do this film, not having either character stand-out more than the rest, as it really helps the audience feel the bond these character begin to form with each other, and by the end of the movie, it is completely believable that they have all become best friends. I feel that this is going to be a big break-out movie for all three of these guys, as Bradley Cooper has the good looks to be a leading man, and the comic timing and charisma to be taken seriously by the nerdier audiences. Ed Helms, who is probably the most well known of the three, mostly for his history of playing goofball characters, actually plays the straight man here, and he manages to excel at it, while still showing little bits of the goofy guy he usually plays. Helms has proven here that he could also be effective as a leading man, since he has shown that he can play a serious character while maintaining his goofy charm. And finally, the man who has been a secret to the comic nerds of the world for years now, Zach Galifianakis. Zach truly stole the show with this film, with many comparing his performance here to Will Farrell in Old School, and we all know how well that worked out for Farrell. Almost every line Zach delivers her left the audience laughing hysterically, the man knows comedy, and finally he has found a mainstream outlet to show his mad comic skills to the world. Without a doubt, I think we are going to see much bigger things out of Zach Galifianakis. If it is not clear yet, this movie is probably the funniest movie I have seen in quite a while. Now, I must warn you, this movie may not be for everyone. Going into this movie, you must be prepared for not overwelming, but substantial amount of male nudity. You should also be prepared for excssive language, but by this point most of us can handle that. And one more thing, there is also a surprisingly large amount of blood, not enough to be disgusting, but more than you would expect still. If you think you can handle all that, please, go to this movie. It has actually reached number 2 at the box office already (nobody is beating up till Transformers 2), and this is one of those amazing occassions where the masses have made the correct choice at the theatre. Go to this movie, you will enjoy it.
*NOTE* Apparently after I wrote this, The Hangover managed to pull it's way into 1st place for the weekend, beating Up, holy crap!
*Update* The Hangover take the box office for the second weekend in a row! It has broken $100 million!

Post-Mosaic Algebraic?

Well, I experienced my first ever Mosaic, and it was quite pleasing. Going from "country" to "country" and seeing all those different cultures, and drinking all those different "regional" beverages. I think my favorite pavilion was the Scottish one, I would definitely like to spend more time there next year. The music was great, and any culture that is known for drunken shenanigans is alright by me. I think that I made it to all the pavilions that I wanted to visit, except the Irish one. I would definitely like to make it to Ireland next year. The most surprising thing was that I made it home by 1 am, and woke up by 10, without any trace of a hangover. If it wasn't for the miserable weather and the fact that my car was parked the University, starting point for my Mosaic experience. The oddest thing about the night was that I wasn't a dick to anybody, a clear departure from my latest behavior. Tonight, I will be bouncing (yeah, I am pretty much a bouncer now) at the Latin American Mosaic after party, which could either be really interesting or really annoying. Hopefully I will have a fun filled Sunday of going to The Hangover (which I will probably review on here tomorrow night), and slacking off in a similar way to how I slacked off today.

Rock Guitar Hero 2000

So, basically on impulse about 2 weeks ago, I decided to take up the guitar. I am not good at all, but I have been finding practicing and learning notes to be really fun, although a little emotionally draining, due to the frustration that I can't really seem to do anything right on that thing. Maybe I am being a little over dramatic, because I still have a really good time playing. I have learned a couple cords, I can play a G Major correctly 90% of the time, I know the frets for a C major as well, although I can't play it well. I am also learning minor cords, which I think are my favorite. Minor cords have this old-timey western sound, like in a cowboy movie, and I really enjoy that.
On another note, that connects this to my blog title, last night Ty kept making fun of me appearance, basically saying I looked like I belonged in the 70s. What Ty doesn't know is that I have been aware of this for months now, and have adjusted my clothes to match the overall look of my hair and beard. The way I see it, if I am going to look like I am from the 70s, I might as well look good doing it.

Michael and Michael Have Issues

Coming in July, from two of the members of Stella, is a show called "Michael and Michael Have Issues." I am extremely excited about this, since I have been a fan of it's two stars/creators, Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter, since I first saw them in Wet Hot American Summer. After falling in love with that movie, I discovered Stella, another gem involving this comedy duo. Stella only lasted a season, but if this show is anything like Stella, I hope it lasts for a long time. These guys are the types of comedians that really appeal to true comedy nerds, but unfortunately have yet to find very much mainstream success. I hope this show does well, I am really excited to see it.

Cancelled TV Shows

I don't know why I do this to myself. I always go find some TV show, one that was usually prematurely canceled, and get super into it. Then I watch the whole series, knowing full well that many of the storylines will be left unfinished. This week, I am watching the ABC show Invasion, which was originally marketed as a companion piece to Lost (It even has the same ominous "Let time on..." announcer). So far the show I actually pretty good, all the acting is top notch (and features Tyler Labine of Reaper and Breaker High fame) and the story is fairly riveting. Just another casualty in societies quest to watch more reality television.

Reaper

So I love the show Reaper, but they might be canceling it. That would suck, so I am posting this. Click on the Save Reaper button over there and make it happen.

Sing-A-Longs and Nazis

Today I watched Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog and read Maus. Maus was a surprisingly humorous recount of the Holocaust. Don't get me wrong, it was serious when it had to be, but there were a lot of funny parts as well. All in all, I see why it won the Pulitzer. I also watched Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, and I found it to be a really exceptional musical. It was really funny, but had really well written music as well. I also found myself getting emotionally involved in Neil Patrick Harris' Dr. Horrible. I actually wanted thinks to work out for him, and was upset when things didn't. The lead actress, Felicia Day, was perfect. She wasn't some sort of glamor model, but was the type of girl the average type of guy who watches this could really get into. After seeing this, I want to see more of Felcia Day, and a quick visit to wikipedia makes me want to revist some of the things I have seen her in before. I hear that a sequel is already in the works, and I will be jumping at the opportunity to see that.

Star Trek

Today I went to see Star Trek, and it was fantastic. I will admit to not being a fan of the original series, but the previews and reviews were all so awesome that I had no choice but to see it. The action sequences were amazing, the writing was top notch, and every actor nailed his part. I will probably be impaled by Trekkies for saying this, but I think every single actor nailed their part much better than the original cast. Zachary Quinto was especially awesome as Spock, but everyone else deserves their due as well. I honestly feel like this is going to be the "Dark Knight" of this summer, and by that I mean it will be by far the best movie of the summer. Go see Star Trek already!

Karaoke

So, I really, really love Karaoke. I think the funnest nights I have are when I go out for Karaoke. Singing, badly, is so much fun. I don't really have anything else to say.

Trial by Error?

Today, is a Sunday. I am awake, for some reason. At 6 am. Actually, I know the reason I am awake. At 5 am, Matt phoned me, and woke me, and made it sound like he was wandering downtown, drunk, trying to walk home. I said good-bye, tried to go back to sleep, but then the guilt kicked in. I said to myself, "Myself, that is not the type of person your mother raised you to be." So I got dressed, got into my car, started it up, and phoned Matt. "Hey, Matt, I am coming to get you, where are you?" He says, with a sense of playfulness "You are beautiful, I am at the 4 Seasons." What the fuck? The 4 Seasons, 3 blocks from my god damned house? So, 8 seconds later, he is in my car, and I drive him the additional 8 blocks to his house. And now I am wide awake. But sadly, not awake enough to do anything that requires the least bit of thought or creativity. So I blog.

Bad Touch

I think that everybody needs to listen to "That Bad Touch" by Bloodhound Gang more often. And "Butterfly" by Crazytown. It will make your life so much better than it is.

Exams

So, my exams have finally started, around the same time that everyone else's seem to be ending. I am not really worried about my exams, or stressed at all, but I wish that I could be done like everyone else, instead I have exams right until the 28th, giving me very little time to look for summer work. It is very annoying.

Look, New Colours

I decided all the blues were kinda lame, and a little difficult to read. I mixed things up, earthy browns and greens, what do you think? Does it look good? Yay or Nay?

My Best Friends Girl

Sometimes, I think that I just want to torture myself. What was I thinking? I knew this could never work, but, like a fool, a went for it anyways, and now everything has turned to shit. I did the worst thing I could ever do in my life. I watched My Best Friends Girl.
I have nothing against Dane Cook, but why do we let him make movies? Employee of the Month wasn't terrible, it had some funny parts, I let it slide. This somehow warranted a second chance, but that second chance was Good Luck Chuck, possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. This leads us to My Best Friends Girl, which somehow ended up being worse than the last two combined!
I thought maybe, just maybe, this movie had some potential. After all, I like Jason Biggs, I think he is a great everyman, and I enjoy seeing him in movies. Is it his fault the movies he chooses to be in tend to be cliche and tired? Maybe, but I can't fault the guy for trying. Also, Alec Baldwin, we all love Alec Baldwin. He is hilarious every week on 30 Rock. So I figured maybe, for once, Dane Cook might have figured out how to make a good movie, maybe with these more positive influences he could do something good. Look at his new leading lady, Kate Hudson, a critical darling, replacing the garbage acting he previously shared the screen with, such as Jessica Simpson and Jessica Alba (Jessica=Bad Actress?). This is not the case, apparently Cook will never be able to make a good movie. Maybe he should go back to being the quirky friend or doing stand-up for dumb jocks.
I will admit one thing, since I hate to be completely negative. The scene where he walks down the wedding aisle wearing an all black tux, smoking a cigarette, to the sounds of "The Man Comes Around" by Johnny Cash was actually a pretty cool scene. I am no smoker by any means, but it is also nice to see a leading man be a smoker in a movie, I have always been annoyed by how villified smokers are on tv and in movies. Can I think of a third good thing? No, I can't, that's all I have to say.

Favorite Quote

I meant to post this with the little book review I did the other day, but forgot.
This is my favorite quote from I Love You, Beth Cooper.
I think it is really funny and really shows the general theme of the book.

The phone flew through the window of a passing Honda Civic and hit Harold Angell, a thirty-four-year-old nurse practitioner who had no ironic connection to anyone in the car.

It totally hits the nail on the head, making fun of how in all those teen movies, every character of victim of the rebellious teens seems to be someone they know.

Very, very famous Regina comedian and celebrity, Phil Smith, a good friend of mine—who is doing a show on Friday, April 17, and is likely already sold out—recently lent me the book I Love You, Beth Cooper. You may have seen previews for it, like I did before Hannah Montana: The Movie. The movie looks to be a happy-go-lucky sex romp for only the most immature member of the family to enjoy, but I tell you what, it is not. It is a very dark, very cool, very black comedy; needless to say, after reading the book I am quite excited to see the movie. I literally could not put the book down, reading it in a little under 5 hours, straight, in silence. I was enthralled by ever paragraph, the book is written in an incredibly creative fashion, with purposeful grammatical errors to reflect the plot through the eyes of our very unlucky protagonist. I encourage anybody who gets a chance to read this book, you may love it a lot. Or really hate it, I realize at times I have a very sick sense of humour.

I also saw both Observe and Report and Adventureland this week, two movies I have been wanting to see for a long time. These movies, while very dissimilar, will forever be connected by me by one thing. They both take the Hollywood convention for comedies, basically trying to appeal to as broad an audience as possible, and throw it out the window. I don't see many people really loving these movies like I did, both are very dark and very emotional. Seth Rogen fans should not see Observe and Report, people who enjoy dark black humour—not unlike I Love You, Beth Cooper—should though, they will thoroughly enjoy it. People who want to laugh at fart jokes and hate chick stuff should not see Adventureland, it is more for people with a refined sense of humour that don't need a joke ever 5 minutes to enjoy the movie.

While I am at it, I am going to talk about a DVD I bought a little while ago called Sex Drive. This movie, while best classified as a teen-sex-romp type of deal, is nothing like any teen-sex-romp that has come out in my adult life. Ignoring any scene with Seth Green, this movie feels very different and very original through most of the main plot. When I watched this, it felt like the first time I saw American Pie, not because it is like American Pie in any way—it really isn't— but because it felt so much more different than any other movie being made for that demographic of people. I can say, without a doubt, that Sex Drive is a truly original movie, with a lot of heart, a lot of fun moment, and more than a few dick-and-fart jokes for the lowest common denominator. If you have yet to see this movie, I really suggest it, and if you have seen it and don't agree with me, then you probably aren't who the movie was being marketed to anyways.

I write jokes sometimes, while I am drunk

Yeah, so the title speaks for itself, I wrote a whole bunch of jokes on Friday night, while drinking. World-famous comedian and close, personal friend Phil Smith, known for creating the term "booty call," informed me that they were quite funny. If you see me in the halls, I might let you read them, but there is a strong chance you will not understand them. I am still working out the many kinks before I can come even close to telling them in public.

Cannonball Run

It's been a long-ass time since I last made a real blog entry. The short story is done, and mailed, so that is no longer dominating my life. The papers never seem to end, but what do you expect from taking four English classes in one semester. I only have one left to write for each class, all due on the same day. Theoretically, I could just start writing them now, but anyone who knows me knows that I will put it off until the last minute. As of right now, I have been at the university for ten hours, and I will have to stay here until at least 10 pm, leading me to an even 12 hours at the old University of Regina. Woohoo? I am thanking god that I have tomorrow off, Thursdays are always a really long day.

Finally!

My short story is finally finished! I will not be posting it here, I don't want to ruin the ending, but if anybody wants to proof the story, drop me an e-mail.

Short Story EXTREME!

Every time I actually sit down and write, it seems like the story is going to be longer and longer, it seems like I am going to have to go some heavy editing to stay under the 2500 word limit. On the plus side, I really love how the story is unfolding in print, and it is exciting the see the story in my head become real.

The beautiful woman would return every single night; she would always disappear if Davis tried to approach her. So he would just sit in his window watching her, every night, wondering who she was, wishing he could be with her. He knew something was wrong, but he refused to admit it. Night after night, he just watched.
After a week, he snapped back to reality. There must be something bringing her here, something horrible must have happened to her. He knew there was something magical about her, something eerily mystical, this was very clear. The next day, he began looking through the various newspapers that were scattered around his house. He scanned them, looking for anything familiar, something about his address, his street, even a mention of anything sinister that had happened around the town.
Years of rot and decay had made the newspapers almost unreadable, it was a lost cause. Dejected, he decided to, as usual, go to Andrew’s for lunch. As he walked down his sidewalk, Johnson was trimming the hedges. David began to walk faster, hoping he wouldn’t have to get absorbed into meaningless conversation.
“Hey Davis, how are you doing today?”
You son of a bitch, why can’t you just leave me the hell alone…wait, a second, it can’t hurt to ask.
“Johnson, not bad, not bad at all, how are the kids?”
Johnson eyes widened with shock. Davis could tell he would have expected this level at courtesy at this point.
“Th-their great Davis, doing just great.”
“Johnson, let me ask you something, where could a guy find old newspaper articles?”
“Oh, well, the library on 12th and 22nd has a pretty good newspaper archive, I found my grandparents wedding announcement from 1936 there.”
“Thanks Johnson, have a good day.”
The library, it makes so much sense. As Davis walked down the street, he saw Johnson in the corner of his eye, standing in the same spot, watching him in shock. That was fun, messing with Johnson like that, Davis thought, I should do it more often.

More Short Story!

My short story is really starting to come together! I would say I am about half done, so is another preview.

Davis awakens to the sound of the wind, but it is unlike any wind that he has ever before. The bedroom is full of an eerie, pale blue light. The light seemed to emanate from his bedroom window, bright enough to shine through the large specks of dust and dirt. What the hell is Johnson doing now? Davis thinks to himself as he stomps towards the window. As he draws closer to the window, he begins to feel warmer, almost exponentially, by the time he is at the window he feels warmer and more comfortable than he had ever felt before.
Then he saw her.
She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her hair was long and golden; it was so bright and vivid that it almost hurt his eyes to look at. Her skin was very pale, and it almost blended with the snow on the ground, but it looked smooth, he wanted nothing more to touch it, to feel her warmth. She was wearing long white robes, it did not occur to him that this would be an odd thing to wear, but he was too distracted by her beauty to notice. After staring at her for a few minutes, he suddenly realized that something was terribly wrong.
The blue light that had first drawn his attention seemed to be originating from the beautiful woman. The wind he had heard was not wind at all, but it was the beautiful woman singing. He couldn’t make out the words, but it was the most prepossessing song he had every heard, unlike anything he had ever heard before. The woman frightened him, but he was enamored as well. He knew that he had to talk to her, touch her, love her. He had never been in love before, let alone love at first sight, but he knew that was what he was feeling.
He ran down the stairs, nervous and anxious at the same time to meet to woman, to hold her in his arms, to love her. He rushed out his back door, with the gusto of a man 30 years his junior, towards the woman. She turned to him, and smiled at him with more warmth than he had ever deserved. And just like that, she disappeared, and he was left alone, in the dark, wearing only his pajamas. He was suddenly very cold, but he was too confused to move. Who was she? Where did she go? Why was she here?

Short Story Goodness

I have written some more of my short story, and I have a title - "Lonely Spirits." I have yet to get into the actual main part of the story, but I have it all in my head. Without further ado, part 2:

The street is busy, as always. Cars fly by, usually speeding, on any given day, one could lose control, hit Davis, it might even be easier that way. There is about 6 inches of snow on the ground. It feels cold through the holes in the bottom of his shoes. He needs new shoes. But those kids in the store whisper and make fun of him. It’s not worth it.
As Davis walks home, he does not notice how the people he passes look at him. He doesn’t want to notice. He knows he disgusts them, but he doesn’t want to see the disgust on their faces. He reaches the alley. He doesn’t walk down that alley. It would be an extra 20 minutes out of the way if he walked around, but he does anyways. Those kids are always hanging around in that alley. They’re dangerous.
Johnson is outside when he arrives home; Johnson is always nagging him to mow his lawn, complaining about the smells in his back yard, the bushes never being trimmed. Davis rushes inside, pretending he doesn’t see that pretentious bastard. Johnson hasn’t noticed him yet. Three more steps. Almost there.
“Mr. Davis, excuse me, do you have a second.”
Go fuck yourself Johnson. “What do you want Johnson.”
“I was just wondering if you needed me to mow your lawn, you see, the wife’s parents are coming this weekend, and I don’t mind doing it...”
The fucking nerve of that asshole, trying to tell me how to live my life.
“Do whatever you want Johnson, I’m busy.”
“Okay Mr. Davis, I’ll be out here if you need anything.”
Davis hates Johnson, always lording his wealth, his youth, his beautiful family over him. Davis, enters his house, seething. His living room floor is covered in old newspapers; his wallpaper is peeling around the corners. The house reeks of cat urine, even though Davis has never owned any pets. Davis retreats upstairs, he is so tired, the walk always wears him out so much, but that damn judge took his license away. He’s been driving since before that asshole judge was able to wipe his own ass, what the hell does he know.
His bedroom makes his living room look like a paradise. Dirty clothes, pizza boxes and beer bottles cover every part of the room. As he lays on his blood and urine stained mattress, he thinks of better days, when he was young, when he was strong. He imagines himself still young, still strong, as he drifts to sleep…

Sunday Sunday Sunday

Sunday's are boring. I hate it. They don't even give us good TV shows on Sunday. I am so bored that I am watching the Dog Whisperer right now, what a dreadful, horrible show. But wait, there is a show on about the guy who committed the real life Amityville Horror killings. This is much more interesting. The day is saved!
This guy looks nothing like Ryan Reynolds, at all, but Ryan Reynolds hair and beard in the movie is clearly based off him. It is so weird how nonchalantly is talking about killing his parents. He's kinda like "Woh, i did that, weird."

What a waste of a week

So, I did nothing all week. I almost wish now that Reading Week never happened, because at least I could have gone to work this week and made money, but, logically so, the Owl is closed during Reading Week, so I did nothing. I did not get any homework done, I did virtually no reading, complete waste of time. I am also noticing that hardly anybody goes on vacation during actual Reading Week, what's up with that? I don't understand why people need this week off so bad when they generally just take another week off anyways. You people are greedy.

A Super Special Valentine's Entry

So, I am making a conscious decision to not say "Happy Valentine's Day" a single time, in context. I just don't care about the day at all, and am fairly annoyed about how it's the milestone day marking the beginning of Reading Week. We all know at this point the ludicrousness of the holiday, just another day invented by the candy and greeting card industries to make people buy things without any practical use. The only plus side is that it is only mere hours from ending, and I will not have to hear people talk about it anymore. On a sort of plus side, instead of any sort of heart themed celebrations, I just watched a shitload of 30 Rock. Tracy Morgan is hilarious, specifically the episode where he is just dancing by himself to "We didn't start the fire" by Billy Joel.

One Week Without A Blog Entry

I just got my journal back from my Expository and Persuasive writing prof, and he said "Good to see cheerful writing in these entries. I like to see writing so at home with itself." This means only one thing; that I am better than you puny mortals. Bow before the power of "cheerful writing" and being "so at home with itself." I expect everybody who reads this to give be $5, preferably two twoonies and a loonie.

I have been busy all week studying for midterms—surprising, right?—and have had little time to make any entries. Maybe things will change when my spring breaks starts at roughly 8:21 tonight, after my last midterm till after the break. While all of you are off having great adventures in babysitting, I will be looking for twenty bucks or deconstructing harry. When you are leaving las vegas, i will be trying to get back to the future, part 2 or 3. While you are having a cocktail, I will be contemplating blind justice.

The Joel Knows Regina is Better Than Saskatoon

Just for shits-and-giggles, I am going to list a bunch of reasons why:

• Regina doesn't force semi's to drive throught the heart of the city, causing many different traffic problems.
• Wascana Park is one of the largest urban parks in North America, bigger than the famous Central Park in New York. It was also designed by the same guy that designed the World Trade Center.
• Regina is named after Queen Victoria, while Saskatoon was named after the Cree name for some gross berry, a berry that is nowhere as good as real berries like Blue berries and Raspberries.
• The people designing the U of R campus actually took the time to choose good locations for our buildings, while the U of S just randomly threw them around, causing much confusion.
• The Riders are in Regina, enough said
• Regina has a wealth of history, and was originally the headquarters of the North West Territories, until Saskatchewan and Alberta became provinces.

I could go on and on forever about this, but I think I have proven my point. But buck up Saskatoon, at least you have Fuddruckers.

The Joel Only Writes When He Has Something To Say

I would like to formally apologize that I do not make blog updates every day, to you, Phil Smith, and only you. I did not realize your hardcore dedication to my spoken word. I only prefer to write when I have something witty or interesting to say. Do give you something to do, I am going to post a sample of what I am currently working on, which is going to be part of my short story for the short story contest. Let me know what you think.

There is a table sitting in the corner of the restaurant, perpetually in solitude. Nobody notices it, not even the servers. At it sits a sad little man, not much taller than your average 12-year-old. Davis Coltrain has been coming to Andrew's Place for six years now—ever since it opened—yet not a single person knows his name. When, after twenty minutes, one of the younger waitresses makes her way over, he finally gets to order the exact same thing he always orders. Steak sandwich with a side of rice, the soup of the day to start. The waitress will fake a smile, take his order, the return to the other waitresses. They think he can't hear them making fun of his horrid smell, dirty clothes, and greasy hair: he can. He eats his overcooked meal in silence, leaves a twenty on the table, and quietly leaves, like he was never there at all.

The Joel Hate The Gypsies

What do you call two Gypsy's sleeping in a ditch? A Sleepover

Why don't you throw rock's at a Gypsy riding a bike? It might be your bike.

What do you call a group of people sleeping under a bridge? A Gypsy commune.

There is a male and a female Gypsy in a car, who's driving? The police.

What do you call an honest Gypsy? A fairy tale.

How many Gypsies does it take to steal your watch? One, just one.

I don't really like Wall-E

Everyone is always telling me "Joel, you have to see Wall-E" or "Joel, Wall-E is one of the best movies this year" and I just don't get it. By no means do I think it is a bad movie, but I just don't care for it one bit. I just find it really boring and uninteresting. I will admit that I have not seen the whole movie, but this is largely because I cannot sit through it without falling asleep. Literally, every single time I have tried to watch it within the last month, I have fallen asleep in about 15 minutes. I'm talking about in the middle of the afternoon here people!
I totally get what Pixar was trying to do with this movie, and I respect that, and I believe it should win some Academy Awards, specifically for sound editing and animation, but it is just not the type of movie I enjoy. I have never been a big fan of those types of movies, with the exception of Toy Story and Monsters, Inc., but those are the exceptions that prove the rule.

Holding Out for a Hero

I need a hero

I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight

Truer words have never been spoken. Sometimes, each and every one of us needs out own hero, somebody to look up to, whether it be a hero who physically saves people or every day, or someone who saves our soul from the brink of darkness. The former heroes, the physical ones, the ones who pull babies out of fires and rescue drowning bikini models, there the ones that get all the credit, all the praise, all the glory. I could care less about these heroes.
The heroes who truly inspire me are the ones who's great feats of figurative strength and speed are not written about in books or shown in movies. These heroes stories go unsung around the campfire, and eventually become lost in history.
I press you to think about people like this that go unnoticed in your life, the people you do not notice and kick to the curb. Think about the doctor who works all night saving the lives of people who have been injured by various types of gang related violence. Think of the grade 2 teacher who just wants to give you the chance to be happy and successful in life. People like this are around you ever day, they don't ask for our want thanks, and that is why they truly deserve it.

I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight

You must ask yourself, why is Joel all of a sudden so passionate about this. Why does he care so much? It is because there is a special someone in my life, someone who has inspired me and life worth living. This person is important, and if you truly want to learn about the magic that is they, then click right here.

First Blog

This is my first entry, I don't know what I am going to write about on here yet, probably short stories or some shit like that. I probably won't talk much about myself, since that is super boring.